I am NOT Florida Lori!!!

Oh, good night, nurse!

I don't Google myself very often -- modest soul that I am. But as I've got an essay just out, in the latest issue of Whosoever (www.whosoever.org), making it quite clear that I am NOT the Lori Heine who left her son at the side of a road in Florida because he threw a tantrum over McDonald's Happy Meal, I checked in to see if it is out yet. Indeed, it is. But Florida Lori is still very much in evidence -- and her Google items very much mixed-in with mine.

I feel very sorry for this woman. In addition to being three whole years older than me, she is stuck with a petulant child and, it seems now, a police record for having abandoned him. She also has to live in Florida, where the bugs are the size of Winnebagos and the next hurricane is always just around the corner. But I do NOT wish, in any way, shape or form, to be confused with her.

This is, I must confess, the original reason I wrote "The Cherry Sisters" for Whosoever. The homophobes have enough excuses to attack me, without being able to claim that I have abandoned my child at some busy roadside. I am hardly as virtuous as a Christian ought to be, but for the love of Pete, I've never done anything like THAT.

Okay, we get it -- ha-ha-hah -- this woman tossed her kid out of the car because he didn't like his Happy Meal. Now all you "journalists" who haven't gotten enough of the story can go and play in traffic. I leave all of you at the side of the road.

And for the record, Florida Lori may very well end up getting to Heaven before any of us.