Dirty Words

Please do not laugh. I am seriously considering giving up cussing for Lent.

Why, do you ask? Well, why not? It doesn't sound very nice, especially coming from the lips of a Christian. There was a time -- in the wild-and-crazy years just after I came out -- when I hung around with a lot of really foul-mouthed people and picked up this crummy habit of expressing myself in stevedorese. (Yes, I just made up that word, which means "cussing like a stevedore," and you can feel free to use it anytime you want.)

I read back some of my posts on this blog, and my own language makes my virgin cheeks blush. Then I read it on other people's blogs, and the trashiness of that sort of expression becomes even more apparent. (It's always easier to recognize how bad something is when somebody else does it.) Most of the people who use that sort of language SIMPLY AREN'T VERY BRIGHT, and to be brutally frank, I don't want to be associated with them. The old saying that people think those who cuss are too stupid to express themselves like smart people has a lot of truth to it.

I have learned whole new cusswords since coming into the blogosphere. What, for example, is a "fucktard?" Could somebody please explain that one for me? I actually looked up "assclown," and have made it a part of my own vocabulary (I prefer not to use a word until I understand just what it means). I must say, however, that I have yet to see how the addition of "assclown" to my vocabulary has improved or enriched my life.

When you're through rolling on the floor and sobbing with laughter, get ahold of yourself. I am absolutely, one hundred percent sincere here. And I have officially decided. This year, I am giving up cussing for Lent.

No more "assclowns" will escape my lips. Nor will you ever hear me utter "fucktard" after this posting. But right here and now, just to get it out of my system, I will break my rule of not using words I don't understand and use the heck out of it, just to get all the cussing clean out of my system. So here goes:

FUCKTARDFUCKTARDFUCKTARDFUCKTARDFUCKTARDFUCKTARD!!!

Well, then! I really do feel SO much better! I will keep you all updated on my progress, and I expect you to keep me honest. If I drop a cussword on this blog, please spank me with a scathing comment. (And no, don't make anything out of that. I'm talking about a healthy, wholesome, apple-cheeked, strictly non-S&M kind of a spank.)

If it all goes well during Lent, and I don't miss it too terribly much, I may just decide to give up cussing for good.

But remember, Ash Wednesday isn't until March the 1st, assclowns.