Charlie Foxtrot

Ah, what superb absurdity! So Dick Cheney shot one of his bigshot corporate buddies in the face while hunting! Can there be any further doubt that the Veep is the ultimate Cluster Fuck?

How glad we security-minded Americans all should be that he took five deferments to keep his ass out of Vietnam. The astonishing thing is that anybody is actually CRITICIZING him for it! The guy doesn't know what end the round comes out of, and we wanted him over there? C'mon, weren't enough guys killed in 'Nam by friendly fire?

Obviously Cheney can do the nation far more good via his shameless war profiteering than he ever could have in Southeast Asia back in the Sixties or Seventies.

We don't need any goat-ropers in combat. Not now, not ever. Send all the eighteen-year-old girls we have to over to do our fighting for us in Iraq. Chickenhawks need not apply -- what the hell good would they do us, anyhow?

Of course, the liberal blogosphere is already coming alive with new cries for gun control. You stupid, cretinous fools, how could you possibly confuse law-abiding, ordinary citizens owning firearms to protect themselves with our own Louis XIV -- Little Lord Fauntleroy -- who certainly wouldn't give up HIS guns, no matter how many peons had to? That's about as silly as thinking that Rosie O'Donnell would ever cough up her own, private arsenal, no matter how much guff she gives Tom Selleck.

Enough of rich cowards hiding behind fortified walls. We're gonna need our guns more than ever when the Fourth Reich decides it can make bold and free enough to take us.