Saggy Cindy in the White House? Va-va-va-voom!

I just can't express how inspired I am, as a lesbian Christian looking to those sterling straights for moral inspiration, by the latest "ha-ha" missive from John McCain.

He'd like to run his missus, Cindy -- that pillar of society here in my home city -- as a contestant in a topless and/or bottomless dancing contest. Really, if the Religious Right wasn't already inspired enough by the fact that he dumped his first wife for the princess of a wealthy beer-distribution empire, this really oughtta wow 'em.

That hetero and neanderthal enough for ya, boys? Nyuk-nyuk...

As a single bachelorette-about-town, I have no wife to enter in strip-o-ramas. But, depraved lesbo that I may be, I have difficulty imagining why I'd stay married to a woman for whom I had so little respect. Hasn't McSame already gone on record, somewhere, as having called Cindy a "cunt" or some such thing? Honestly, what an addition he makes to the Family Values platform of the GOP!

What the hell is the matter with this man?

All I can say is that I hope he and Cindy spare us. From Jackie Kennedy and her Cassini gowns to... saggy Cindy in a G-string? If the Republicans don't want to make us all nostalgic for the Sixties, they'd better stop giving us mental images like that.

"Now I've got this picture of John McCain having sex in my head," Randi Rhodes was heard to lament, not long ago, on her radio program. She could only conclude with "Oh, crap!"

Cindy makes for a better mental picture than her loving hubby. Even fully clothed, he's not too appealing. But let me tell you what's even scarier than the image of him in a G-string...

...Friends, we can't let this dolt get anywhere near the Oval Office.