Sweet Little Me

Well, I guess I should forego eating or drinking anything in public unless I'm wearing a full-body bib. I had a caramel frappuccino at Starbuck's, and now I'm liberally festooned with caramel and whipped cream.

I wish that were as kinky as it sounds.

Maybe when I write a potentially-controversial post on this Blog, or a comment of that sort on someone else's, I should begin by telling everyone I'm covered with caramel and whipped cream.

Would I, perchance, sound sweeter then? More fun, perhaps? Would it be a good way to pick up women?

One of my best friends, a straight man, used to call us and bless our answering-machine with messages like this:

"I'm totally nude and covered with whipped cream, hot fudge and spanish nuts!"

Now, certain people (my mother, for instance) thought that he WAS nuts. My roommate at the time, who eventually married her preacher, was probably afraid to bring her friends over lest he would choose to call then. When I came out as a lesbian, one of the first things several of my friends asked was "then why did you let him leave that sort of smut on your answering-machine for so long?"

Hell, I think that EVERYBODY ought to spend some time totally nude and covered with edible goodies. Maybe it would put this country in a happier mood.